August 1978

It was August 1978. I was 14 years old. It was a great Oregon summer. I had finished middle school and was headed to high school. I was going to be a freshman at David Douglas.

My family rented a house for a week in Cannon Beach. My aunt Barbara and my cousin Brian were visiting from Los Angeles; they went. Mom, Dad my sister Melissa and her best friend Liz, Melissa’s border collie Buttons and myself rounded out the party.

My favorite band at the time Boston just released their second album Don’t Look Back. I accidentally discovered them the year before. My friend Jim found a cassette with no case on the street and gave it to me. It was Boston’s debut album. I listened to it over and over. Dad let me play it on the tape deck in his station wagon. It opened with More Than a Feeling. Great album!

When Don’t Look Back came out, Boston was “my band.” I remember when I bought the record. Had the coolest artwork. Album covers were art back in the day. I used to hang my albums on my bedroom wall so I could enjoy the art on the covers.

This was high art to the discerning 14 year old gentleman of 1978…

The title track was getting heavy play on the radio. Yeah, radio. This was waaaay before iPods. The best station in Portland was 62 KGW. It was at 620 on the AM dial. When we went on that trip to the beach, the songs on Don’t Look Back seemed to be playing from a lot of radios and 8-track players. I remember walking around Cannon Beach with my cousin Brian and hearing it several times.

Anyway, this time of year always reminds me of that particular summer. That was 35 years ago. I remember a lot happened in August of 1978. That record, the beach, the old rented beach house, Haystack Rock, the sand, the sea, the sun, playing basketball at the playground at Cannon Beach Elementary, a seagull pooping on my favorite Portland Trailblazer hat and that girl…

My first real crush.

The album was called Don’t Look Back.

Irony. Because I have looked back every August since.

Don’t Look Back, a new day is breaking, it’s been too long since I felt this way.
I don’t mind where I get taken, the road is calling, today is the day…

 

Living Things

A little bird,
A butterfly,
The sound wind makes through forest trees,
These living things come to me,
Sets my mind at ease.

A ladybug,
A rainbow,
The sun setting at the beach,
These living things are comforting,
You’re never far from me.

The road there,
The journey back,
Special places we love to be.
It was the time spent getting there
That made the memory.

The ocean waves,
The morning rise,
Pictures drawn just for me,
Kept away in a safe place,
I love to always see.

These living things
Are everywhere,
Just like our memories.
It is so good to know you are always there,
You will always be with me.

~Dad.

Beautiful Places Part 1

The Great Strides Walk for Cystic Fibrosis a week and a half ago was the first of three important events in remembering BreAnna. The second was a return to Mt. Hood and Lost Lake for Carmen, Brandon, Owen and myself. I felt that it was important to return to the “beautiful places” that our family enjoyed with BreAnna. The third and probably most significant was Bre’s favorite place, Seaside.

In the last ten days, we did the Great Strides walk, made a day trip to Lost Lake on Mt. Hood and this past weekend, returned for the first time to Seaside since Bre passed.

Last Sunday, we packed a picnic lunch, grabbed our fishing poles and headed up to Lost Lake. We always took “the loop” route, around Mt. Hood. Highway 26 from the west, up the southeast flank of Hood, then onto Highway 35 around the south and east side of the mountain.
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Then a series of back roads on the north side of Mt. Hood to Lost Lake. The snow had just been cleared from the road, but quite a bit remained! We went as far as we could on the road then parked by the snow and walked from there.

Our family enjoyed the short walk along the north side of the lake through the old growth forest to a bench and viewpoint where we liked to spend time. I have many pictures from this spot of all of us. Bre even captured a salamander here, played with it, then let it go. One of my favorite pictures of BreAnna and myself was taken here.

It was a wonderful day. We saw a ladybug by the lake. Bre loved them. We released them in our garden the last couple of springs. To have so many of them brought her such joy. I feel this was her way of letting us know she was right there, with us.

To make this trip was important. Significant. We will honor BreAnna by returning to the places that brought her so much happiness in her short time here. She would have been the first one in the truck… Ready to go.

The Walk

Today was the Great Strides walk for Cystic Fibrosis. It was a perfect day to be out with sun and temps in the 80’s. BreAnna had always wanted to participate, and this year we did. Bre’s LPS Party raised just over $3,000.00 with wonderful support from family and friends via Facebook and at Portland Community College.
We had donations from South Dakota, Tennessee, Missouri, Washington, North Carolina, Oregon… There were many people at the park, each with their lives touched in some way by CF. It was good for our family to reconnect with many of the people we have spent so much of the past 11 years with. Carmen and Brandon enjoyed taking part in the walk. It was about 2.5 miles through a neat Portland neighborhood and park.

I cannot say enough about these littlest warriors in this battle against a terrible disease. Bre wished to make CF stand for “Cure Found” in this lifetime. She did not get to see this happen, but I have taken up the fight for her. The money raised at this walk and others like it around the country will get us closer to this dream. I look forward to the day that the cure is found and I can look to the sky and say “we did it, Baby! We did it!”
Our girl was right there with us today. I feel her presence and her warm smile overlooking what we are doing. We are a little closer to your dream, Bre. It won’t be long. I just know it won’t be much longer.

Toy Stories

Another milestone this weekend… It seems that Disney Channel was playing all three Toy Story movies this weekend. BreAnna and I would watch them just about every time they were on. In fact, Toy Story 3 was one of the last movies we watched together in December…
While channel surfing Friday night, I came across the first Toy Story. As I was pondering switching back to Family Guy (another of Bre’s favorite shows), there was a loud unexplainable noise from the dining area… Toy Story it was then! Bre wanted to watch it, so I left it on and watched the whole thing.
I caught most of Toy Story 2 last night, the one with Stinky Pete, the prospector. Bre like it when the other toys put him in the little girl’s backpack with Barbie, who tells Pete that her girl is “an artist!” Then you see that Barbie’s face is drawn and colored in a floral pattern!
Toy Story 3 played tonight. Kind of bittersweet as Andy is grown and off to college. Lotso the Bear is the bad guy in this one… Bre and I agreed that he was “evil.” Instead of putting the toys in the attic, Andy instead gives them to a little neighbor girl to take care of. Beautiful end to the three movies.

Our family loved these wonderful Pixar films. Our son Brandon enjoyed them when he was younger, too. They have a special place in my heart as I remember moments from my children’s lives.

Alexander

I blogged about how BreAnna re-wrote the story about “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” into a positive story…  With help from Kim, the Child Life specialist from Doernbecher, Bre re-imagined that story.  I found it!  it was on this computer!  I love finding BreAnna’s creations, whether they are art, videos, writings, etc.

Enjoy this blog with help from BreAnna!

Alexander and the Great, Fantastic, Very Good Day. By Breanna Lampton

I went sleep and with gum in my hair and woke up and the gum came out. I skated on  my skateboard and I dropped my sweater in the sink with running water but I could put it in the dryer. I could tell it was going to be a great, fantastic, very good day.

At breakfast Anthony found a Corvette Sting Ray car kit in his breakfast cereal box and Nick found a Junior Undercover Agent code ring in his breakfast cereal box and in my cereal box I found a blue race car. I could tell it was going to be a great, fantastic, very good day. I think I’ll move to Australia.

In the car pool Mrs. Gibson let me have a seat by the window. Audrey and Elliot got seats by the window too. I said I could see the lake and no one even heard me, but that’s ok because I got to look at the lake and they didn’t even notice. I could tell it was going to be a great, fantastic, very good day.

At school Mrs. Dickens liked Paul’s picture of the sailboat and my picture of a castle.

At singing time, she said I sang too quiet. At counting time she said I left out sixteen, but that’s ok because everyone makes mistakes. I could tell it was going to be a great, fantastic, very good day.

It was such a great day that my mom said you get to go to Australia. We made a flight reservation and then packed our bags. I packed my favorite stuffed animals, my favorite pajamas and my mickey mouse with an extra bulb. I brought a picture of my cat and my new tennis shoes with fancy stripe on them.

We were ready to go and so we drove to the airport to catch our plane. The people in the airport helped us with our bags and they even let me carry my favorite stuffed animal on the plane with me. When we got on the plane they gave me a window seat and my favorite soda and bbq chips to eat. Then we got to watch a movie about Australia. We saw pictures of all kinds of animals, kangaroos and koalas and crocodiles and big colorful lizards. Then we saw pictures of the beach where there were colorful kites flying in the air and lots of people making sand castles and there were even some surfers catching huge waves. It was sunny but not too hot. This movie got us very excited for what we were about to experience

When we landed on it was next day because we had crossed over the equator! It was December and everyone was wearing shorts!!! It was summertime there, in December!!!!! We walked out of the airport and wow it was warm after coming from cold and rainy weather in the United States. We were greeted by a woman holding a Koala. She said Goood Eh, mate. Welcome to Australia.

We left the airport in a van and they drive on the other side of the street, this was so confusing, but I got the window the seat again and saw all kinds of new sights out the window. It wasn’t long before we got to the place we were staying which was close to great shopping but also to the beach! We jumped out of the car and ran into the house and looked all around. We each had our own room to stay in and my room had a view of   the beach. I could see people surfing and making sand castles just like in the movie.

I was so excited, I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to go to the beach or shopping first. since it was still early in the day, my mom suggested we walk down to the beach before it got too hot. in the afternoon, we could go to the mall where is would be nice and cool and go shopping.

So off we went to the beach. I wore my new flip flops down to the beach and my shorts and tank top too.

 

Thank you Bre!  -Dad.

Spirit

You have an amazing spirit. In some ways, letting you go set that spirit free. Free to be anywhere and do anything you ever wanted to do. Go anywhere, anytime.
This is what your heart desired all along. Free to be anything, anytime.
I was watching your YouTube videos on my bus ride. Creative. Imaginative. Amazing spirit… I enjoyed this one, where introduce your “family.” Your LIttlest Pet Shop Fam! Loved it!

I’ve been carefully listening to the music you enjoyed. I’ve mixed them into my playlists and shared some of the songs you liked on Facebook.
Your smile and great attitude kept us all going all this time. Your spirit is free.
Right where it was all along. Then, now, always.
I am inspired.

Low

The last day or so I have had a low feeling; spirit down.  Kind of struck me this morning that it has been almost three months since we lost our BreAnna.  

I felt like the kid in the bedtime story that we used to read with Bre:  “Alexander and the No Good, Very Bad Day.”  You know, one of those days where nothing seems to go your way? Yeah, like that.  I woke up in a funk (not the gooood funk, either!).  I usually am a morning kind of person.  Hit snooze and tried to hide from the day.  Ended up getting up anyway and went to work.

Usually work is good for me; stay busy, be constructive.  Once again, bummer attitude made the day crawl by.  It was a no good, very bad day (Yikes!  Here I go-stop!).  Anyway, my brain tries to replay things that happened in my girl’s final days.  Usually, I have focused on all of the beautiful times and moments and places that we shared.  It was a no good, very bad day (Stop!  I say!).

I DID see a very beautiful sunrise this morning…  Brilliant colors and the silhouette of Mt. Hood. That usually changes my ‘tude.  It shoulda been an alright, okay day…

The college sheep are having their lambs.  That is cool.  I saw some neat black, grey, white, spotted beauties this morning.  It might’ve been a decent, kinda cool day (the lambs are really cute).

The sun came out and burned away a frosty morning; it stayed out all day.  T-shirt weather.  I guess it was a pretty good day…

Went to basketball at lunchtime.  I sucked for half of the time, but found my shot and felt good the other half of the time.  I love basketball.  Maybe today wasn’t ALL bad.

At the hospital, the Child Life people came in and gave BreAnna an assignment:  Re-write “Alexander and the No Good, Very Bad Day” into “Alexander and the Super Cool, Awesome Day (something to that effect).”  Bre did the assignment and it changed the whole flavor of the story.  Each thing Alexander had that went bad for him, she changed to a positive thing.  Good assignment.

You know what?  I am going to re-write today…  It will be AWESOMESUPERCOOL!  It will…  I promise!

Resting Place

It was a task that no parent wants. It was difficult enough to let our child go. It was terrible planning a funeral service or composing an obituary.
The last order of business in sending Bre on her journey was the headstone at the cemetery. We paid for it in December. But quietly and unconsciously we avoided the task. A letter came in late January from Mt. View Cemetery… If we did not complete the selection of the headstone, they were going to send our money back. I had voicemails from the cemetery too; please contact them. I quietly ignored those as well.
Well, Carmen and I finally returned to take care of BreAnna’s marker. We wanted it to be right. We wanted it to be “Bre.” To signify and honor her memory in a way that would make her happy. On the first visit to design the headstone, we took Brandon, our son and Grandma Heidi along. We wanted those close to Bre to have input on her marker. The obvious parts were easy: name, dates, etc. but we wanted it to be “Bre.” Brandon heard a voice as he awoke in the days after Bre’s death: ” Earth lost a human, but heaven gained an angel.” This definitely would be on the stone. It was important that Bre’s big brother had an important contribution to how it would appear. We all agreed Bre would want Hello Kitty on it somewhere. Also a Littlest Pet Shop pet… Sara from Mt. View showed us an angel Hello Kitty that I was sure was perfect. I came home and found an LPS dachshund that BreAnna adored. I sent a picture to Sara to see if it could be put on the stone too.
I also sent the “be brave” art that Bre made during that last Doernbecher stay.
Carmen and I returned to lay out all of these elements with Sara. I really believe that BreAnna guided us through this difficult task. And I think the result was exactly what our BreAnna would have designed herself.

Roses

Last night I went upstairs to go to bed.  When I got to the hallway, I noticed a strong smell of roses.  It was in my bedroom, the hall, the other bedrooms, everywhere!  Carmen was downstairs taking a bath.  I started to go to the stairway to see if Carmen had sprayed some room freshener downstairs…  That must be what it was; she often sprayed room freshener.  I then went to bed.

I bought a dozen roses for Carmen for Valentine’s Day last week.  They were the typical supermarket roses that looked remarkable, but did not have much scent.  They are on the coffee table in the living room.  They look nice still.  I put my nose to them, but cannot smell much.  This table is where BreAnna spent hours playing and making her little videos with her Littlest Pet Shop toys.  

I forgot about the strong smell of roses until a few minutes ago.  I asked Carmen if she had sprayed rose-scented room freshener last night.  No.  She had not.  In fact, no one sprayed anything.  The shampoo she used was not rose scented, either.

Okay…  I guess those roses last night were for me!  I am so happy that my girl came to visit again, and brought Dad roses.  Thank you!  I appreciate them very much.  I am so glad you came to visit.  I am looking forward to visiting with you again soon.  

Love you, goodnight.